Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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