you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
