can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
