Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
