I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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