I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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