I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
