Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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