Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
