At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
