Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
two words: eviction party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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