the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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