my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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