Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
