don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
