Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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