We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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