Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
