I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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