I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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