i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
