so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
