I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
