Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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