Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
where are my eyebrows?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
