Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm just crazy horny about you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
