you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
