Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
