Having a random hookup so left but love u
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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