dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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