I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
