My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
