I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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