she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
