Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
