have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
