My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
