sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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