my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
