Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
