His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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