he puts the penis in happiness.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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