omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
