Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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