I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
