I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
