Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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