I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
