i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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