broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
